no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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