You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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