More tranny stories later!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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