Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
