I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
