with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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