I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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