I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
