Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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