She is in my trunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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