haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
