Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
