I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the day after is always just damage control
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
