Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
