There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
