Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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