So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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