2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Enjoy the penises
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
