i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
