That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
