I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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