I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
