God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
