we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
