So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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