you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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