i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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