Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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