he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
