she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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