I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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