I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
