There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
