What a fucking waste of an outfit
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
