I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
