Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
