11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
