I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
