The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
