Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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