She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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