She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
