Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
