I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
