What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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