Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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