I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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