final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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