just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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