my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
