I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
