Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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