3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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